Morning Pages – Waiting…

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I have always been waiting. I waited until I was old enough to go to school so I could finally be like my older sister and brother, I waited until I was old enough to go high school so I could finally be treated with respect, I waited until I was old enough to get my licenses so I could finally have some independence, I waited until I got to college so I could finally fit in with my brother and sister, I waited until I found the right major so I could finally be happy where I was.

Well here I am.

This is not what I expected. This is not what I had ultimately waited my whole life for. The whole college experience, was it really worth all the wait? Partying and boys and work and homework and friends, this is nothing like how I thought it would. Partying is over-rated, the boys are pointless, work is draining, homework is tedious, and the friends are bad. This is not what I expected.

So I guess I’ll wait some more. I’ll wait until I graduate, so I can get a job that will totally amount to everything I have built it up as in my head, I’ll wait until I find the right guy and we’ll get married and have the most beautiful family and perfect life, I’ll wait until I am content enough with my life that I won’t have to wait anymore. It will be everything I expect.

I guess I’ll just wait, wait, wait.

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One thought on “Morning Pages – Waiting…”

  1. It’s pretty great to see how your life is going to turn out after the wait. Um… In the meantime…

    Recently, I saw this saying on a greeting card (I know, totally reliable source, right?) that I actually thought was pretty profound. It said, “Today, you’re as old as you’ve ever been and as young as you’ll ever be.” Personally, I depend on the anticipation or relief that I always assume will be there after the waiting, but that little nugget of wisdom reminded me that actually, that moment that I was waiting for a month or a year or a decade ago? It’s actually happening right now. Maybe it’s not what I expected it would be, but it’s what I’ve got, so I should probably start experiencing it.

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